


Pity Party

by Chewiewasalreadytaken



Category: I Love Yoo (Webcomic)
Genre: Angst, hansukeisbestboy, kousukereallyoutherestruggling
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-04
Updated: 2020-09-04
Packaged: 2021-03-06 23:08:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,988
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26276923
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Chewiewasalreadytaken/pseuds/Chewiewasalreadytaken
Summary: Nol leaves Korea without telling anyone, and Kousuke deals with the aftermath. However, Kousuke soon discovers that he has more bottled up inside him than he originally thought. Hansuke (best boi) is there to console him.
Relationships: Hirahara "Nol" Yeong-Gi/Yoo Shin-Ae, Hirahara Kousuke/Yoo Shin-ae
Comments: 1
Kudos: 15





	Pity Party

**Author's Note:**

> Based on the theory Nol leaving Korea. I wrote this BEFORE Nol told Kousuke that he would be leaving, I thought he would surprise everyone. welp i tried.

Kousuke was hunched over his stool, his head resting on the marble countertop. A glass with a sip of scotch left sat not far from him. He closed his eyes, trying to take a moment's rest before the anticipated whirlwind of events swept him away. He tried not to think about what happened, what he discovered. A few hours ago everything was fine until he came to the realization that Nol was missing, entirely vanished from everyone's lives. Kousuke scoured every possible place and reached almost everyone in his contact list. When he went inside Nol's residence, he found the house clean and devoid of any sign of a living resident; and on his kitchen counter, there were two keys to the house and Nol's school uniform neatly folded, ready to be taken away.

Kousuke tried to figure out what was going on by himself until his own father called him asking where Nol was. Apparently he was late to a meeting with their lawyer about the upcoming trial. And then Kousuke had to confess his suspicions.

It was three a.m. now and everyone was in a panic. It was utter chaos in the Hirahara mansion. Kousuke realized that it would be in his best interest to leave that residence until someone called for him.

So that's how he ended up back at his apartment.

The door jiggled and Kousuke looked up. In walked his cousin, Hansuke. He had just been at the Hirahahra mansion and thought it was best to check on Kousuke, for he'd left without much notice.

He observed the state Kousuke was in: disheveled hair, hunched over a glass of scotch and bags under his eyes. Kousuke's skin was such that even an entire day's worth of sleep would still have prominent marks left under his eyes. Nothing about his appearance at the moment was pleasing.

Hansuke stood on the opposite side of the counter. He looked around for a minute. And then he grew uneasy, not because of the silence, no Hansuke was used to that around Kousuke. He was uneasy because Kousuke was not giving him an earful about barging into his apartment by using the code he'd given Hansuke for emergency purposes only. Kousuke's present state was a side of him that did not appear often, and when it did, it felt grossly unnatural.

"I didn't realize you would be this upset over your brother leaving," Hansuke glanced to the side before saying, "If anything, shouldn't you be relieved, you don't have to worry about another... heir."

That was the harsh truth. It was ugly, sure, but it was an unavoidable thought.

"I'm not thinking about that," Kousuke said at last, "Nol's disappearance has not processed in my mind quite yet."

Hansuke frowned, "Then why are you so upset?"

Silence.

Hansuke was growing irritated with Kousuke's behavior, "Did your crepes burn?"

Kousuke didn't have to roll his eyes for Hansuke to know he was ticked off.

"Did your assistant screw up again?"

Kousuke's eye twitched, ever so slightly.

"Did your ex find a boyfriend?"

Kousuke's eyes snapped to Hansuke in annoyance, "No."  
He reached for his glass but Hansuke pushed it away.

Leaning over the counter Hansuke said assertively, "Tell me. This is not another thing you can bottle up as you usually do. Get it out of your system so you can go back to your tolerable, moderate level of crankiness."

Kousuke sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose.

"I know it's stupid," he let out.

Hansuke waited so Kousuke continued, "That to think such a thing at a time like this is selfish and vain and impractical. It's worthless. And still, I just can't stop thinking and feeling this."  
Kousuke looked up to see Hansuke not being bothered to say anything. He looked back down, too ashamed of what he was going to say to look him in the eyes.

"When I told my father what had happened he..." Kousuke stopped.

"He had this look on his face. And I didn't expect it. As I kept talking and the circumstance sunk in, he had this expression of anguish, of defeat. Of utter devastation and heartbreak. Like he knew he had failed. He knew it and realized that he had total control of the situation, and he could have done something different. As if he was reminded of the failure of a father - of a person he was."

He had been rambling up until this point, but then his voice dropped into a lower, more calculated tone, "I have dedicated twenty-four years of my life to that man. Knowing what he has done. I've serviced him and slaved away for one-worded compliments."

Kousuke dropped his head into his hands, he didn't say anything for a few moments.

Then he shot his head up and cried, "And I just know that if I were in Nol's situation, if I had run away, my father wouldn't have cared half as much!"

Kousuke's eyes stung with tears, "I'm just an asset to him. I've known that for the longest time. I don't know why I'm so upset. It's just that when I saw that look on his face, I realized he didn't really care about me. He never has, and he never will."

"And you know why?" Tears ran down his face, "It's because I remind him of his wife. I look just like her! Do you know how many times, I as a child wanted more than anything, to change my appearance to look even the slightest different? I would've done anything, I wasted so many of my silent birthday wishes on it. So that my father would realize that I am just as much his son as Nol is. He associates me with my mother. But I am still just as much his son too. Nol is what my father wants. Nol reminds him of her. The woman he wanted to be with, but could not. And I am what he ends up with. I am the truth. The life he has, the mistakes he has made, and the ones he continues to make. He hates looking at me. I know it. His glances at me are short and abrupt. And his affections even shorter. As if I'm too painful to bear. As if the sight of me burns his eyes and the thought of me stings his mind. I am disgusting to him. It doesn't take a genius to realize he doesn't respect me. Because I'm like my mother. I've tried so hard not to be. She's an awful person, but I see it. I see it within myself. In some ways, I am like her. And you know what? How could I not be? When my father went off skirt-chasing and falling in love and fooling around with Nol's mother, he abandoned my mother. That's for sure. Emotionally and physically. He wasn't the same after that. But not only did he abandon my mother, but he also abandoned me. His son. He didn't give two damns about me when he decided I wasn't important to him. I'm sure a single thought of me did not enter his mind before he started to create another family of his own. And so who was I left with? My mother. Who was the only person who showed up for most of my birthdays? My mother. Who asked me how my day was and bothered to give me a phone call asking me about my health? My mother. At the end of the day, when I was lonely because I was slaving away for my father, who bothered to give me a slice of cheesecake to at least temporarily bring some joy into my life? My mother. And yes there were bad intentions from her associated with all of those actions. And as a child, I knew that very well. But even that was enough for me. It had to be. She showed up. When he decidedly chose not to. He doesn't trust me. I'm too much like my mother. I know that. I see it in my thoughts and in the way I can act. In my manipulative qualities, in my words. I know it's there. And that's even after I tried my hardest to not become like her. I knew she was bad news, but I was so tired as a child, she was the closest thing to true comfort I had. I did not have a mother like Nol's or a grandmother like his. When I was conceived, I was intended, but unwanted by all fronts. I was only an extension of them. And because they hated each other and themselves, they hated me. My father expected nothing less than excellence from me because he didn't care about my feelings or my passions. I'm nothing but a mechanical extension to him. So he raised me to look nice on his arm. Both in my achievements and my countenance. As long as people think I'm flawless, they will think he is too. But at the end of the day, he hates that. He'd rather have a son like Nol. Impolite and imprudent. Passionate and rebellious. Just like his mother. But the moment I step out of line, that would be unacceptable. Because I'm not a son to him, I'm another employee. He will put the occasional word for me because he has to. It's a chore for him, to be my father. He will give me a small praise here and there for me so I don't fall apart trying to chase after him and his desires. His few kind words are a little treat for me, since I'm his dog. Who else is going to chase after him and break themselves trying, like a dog?"

Kousuke was racked with sobs and wails until this point. His heartstrings were torn and ripped out with the truth and it felt like every part of him was being pulled at. And he was laid naked and vulnerable in front of anyone that saw. And in that state, Kousuke felt nothing but a throbbing, numb, pain. Echoes of the violence he'd just been through, the torrents that ripped him apart.

When he tried to pull himself together, he said, calmer, "I've always known this. But I don't think about it because my emotions are impractical and worthless. And I think that of my emotions because that's what he has taught me to think of them. My emotions are dangerous to him, and they're not refined or tasteful. They're unwanted, so I tried to hide them. But when I saw that look on his face, it just hit me. If anything he'd prefer it in the long run, if I was gone. One less misfortune to face. It's burned and imprinted into my skull. And I can't get it out. And that, Hansuke, is why I'm upset. I apologize, it could've been summed up but I... was caught off-guard with how much I had to say. How much I felt."  
Hansuke said nothing. He was in deep thought.

Kousuke cleared his throat, "I thank you for listening, however. You were right, it was quite refreshing."

Kousuke, not interested in small, in-between conversations, slid his stool back and went over to his fridge to pull out some strawberries. When Hansuke wished to talk, he would talk. And more than Kousuke would want to admit, there was a sense of discomfort from Kousuke's side due to his monologue.

When Kousuke returned to the counter with the dish of strawberries in his hand, Hansuke was at the door. And before Kousuke could look over to see what he was doing, or even just speak a word, the door closed.

Kousuke experienced a second's flash of mortification. He pulled out his phone and texted, asking where Hansuke was going.

Kousuke was scared for Hansuke at the reply.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading!


End file.
